Six days. In six days I will be visiting my colorist to strip out most of my color and embrace the gray that has infused my hair - or make it sparkly if I listen to my new best friend. What am I thinking? I have been coloring my hair for the past fifteen years. At first a semi permanent was all. I was too young to have gray hair, right? Seemed innocent enough. The permanent color soon followed now highlights to make the regrowth less obvious. But every three weeks since I cannot handle the calico mixture that my hair has become. My appointments are booked in advance and I have declined meetings at work to keep them. My colorist knows I will be there and rarely needs to send a reminder. It's a bit out of control this first world problem of mine.
So how did I reach the place I am now where in six days this all changes and my charade is over? My revelation came in a yoga class when the yoga guide was having us imagine ourselves as babies. She asked us to imagine how we would treat ourselves. She asked if we would alter the beautiful baby in anyway or would we simply treat it with loving kindness. My immediate thought was 'don't judge my colored hair' but the next day I really started to think about it. Why do I color my hair? What is wrong with my natural state?
My logic: Social norms. For men gray hair is distinguished for women it washed us out, makes us look tired - old is somehow bad. Youth is essential for women yet age is wisdom for a man or so I think. I look at all my thriving male coworkers with gray weaving through their hair and they look fine. My handsome husband is perfectly gray and has been for years, he still gets hit on. Very few men I know would even consider coloring their hair so why do I? Help me understand: Why do we?
I am faking it as many women are. I'm not fooling anyone closer than a few feet away - if only people wouldn't get so close I might pull it off, but my face reveals my truth. Oddly I like the lines that have started to appear. It shows the life and the laughter I have experienced in laugh lines or crows feet when I smile. So what's with the hair? I love the original color of my hair and even my blonder color - I get compliments all the time but I am becoming less brunette each time so why not go all the way?.
Six days. I'm starting to sweat thinking about it but I am determined. Maybe my colorist will ease me into this and I won't really be gray. I just sent him a text - he assured me gray is in and I'm going to rock this - ugh my stomach hurts.